things that go bump in the fight
by way of intro...conflict is a balm for bitterness.
generic problems - what problems do you see in your fights?
- disagree about the facts
- only feel your own pain
- feel as though the other person won't understand your 'points'
- feel overly dramatic things (unloved, always ____, personal hatred)
- showing the other person how you feel, or making them feel the way you should
- when accused of a wrong, pointing out their problems not your own (not address questions/accusations raised)
- interrupt the other person
what else?
generic goodness - what good patterns do you have in your fights?
- demonstrate understanding of what they are saying (restate, address, etc)
- apologize quickly and thoroughly
- work to show affection
- apologize quickly and thoroughly
what else?
biblical obligation
you are to love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you (matt 5:44)
you are to 'consider others more important than yourself' (phil 2:3)
you are to show love, joy, peace, patience (gal 5:16)
there is never a reason to
the fight cycle
describe an abstract lifecycle for a fight between you. (e.g. issue, escalation, continuation, resolution)
for each phase, answer the following:
what is each person saying (abstractly)?
what is each person feeling?
what is the real issue?
what are the sins present?
questions to ponder
what causes escalation?
what are the three worst traits you all have in conflict?
what in the past has contributed to effective resolution?
are there any rules you want to have in fighting?