relational theory:

communication


what is communication?

(just go over some of the stuff around communication. you're trying to slow down and think about the problem a bit, the difficulties, etc)

- sender -> encoding -> decoding -> receiver

blah blah blah communication theory.
all we can say is just how many variables there are...
and how hard you have to work to get anything across.

- direct

denotation
connotation
 
james 3:2-12
2 For we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole body as well. 3 Now if we put the bits into the horses’ mouths so that they will obey us, we direct their entire body as well. 4 Look at the ships also, though they are so great and are driven by strong winds, are still directed by a very small rudder wherever the inclination of the pilot desires. 5 So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! 6 And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell. 7 For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race. 8 But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; 10 from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way. 11 Does a fountain send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter water? 12 Can a fig tree, my brethren, produce olives, or a vine produce figs? Nor can salt water produce fresh.

- indirect

tone
posture
facial expressions
subtleties
etc...

 

the things you don't want to communicate

- anger (too much frustration)
- lack of respect
- lack of affection

the things you should communicate

virtue:

the fruit of the spirit - gal 5:22 - "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control"
if you aren't communicating these things, you aren't really quite succeeding.

relational qualities (fruit of the spirit manifested in your context):

- affection
- understanding
- gratitude

what to do?

success only by replacement. you have to have another goal in mind.
(let them know you are going to ask them for their goals/rules...then share the ones we have)
&nbps;

our goals/rules

communicate affection frequently (say something, touch the other person, etc).
remember the long term - the base.
avoid hyperbole in tense situations...
avoid interruptions, in general.
don't be too long winded. it prevents the other person from speaking.
express hurt by saying you are hurt, not by showing it.
in an argument:
eye contact
restatement
touching

what rules will you have?