(just go over some of the stuff around communication. you're trying to slow down and think about
the problem a bit, the difficulties, etc)
- sender -> encoding -> decoding -> receiver
blah blah blah communication theory.
all we can say is just how many variables there are...
and how hard you have to work to get anything across.
- direct
denotation
connotation
james 3:2-12
2 For we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able
to bridle the whole body as well. 3 Now if we put the bits into the horses’ mouths so that they will obey us,
we direct their entire body as well. 4 Look at the ships also, though they are so great and are driven by
strong winds, are still directed by a very small rudder wherever the inclination of the pilot desires.
5 So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things.
See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! 6 And the tongue is a fire, the very world of
iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the
course of our life, and is set on fire by hell. 7 For every species of beasts and birds, of reptiles and creatures
of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by the human race. 8 But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless
evil and full of deadly poison. 9 With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been
made in the likeness of God; 10 from the same mouth come both blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things
ought not to be this way. 11 Does a fountain send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter water?
12 Can a fig tree, my brethren, produce olives, or a vine produce figs? Nor can salt water produce fresh.
- indirect
tone
posture
facial expressions
subtleties
etc...
virtue:
the fruit of the spirit - gal 5:22 - "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control"
if you aren't communicating these things, you aren't really quite succeeding.
relational qualities (fruit of the spirit manifested in your context):
- affection
- understanding
- gratitude
success only by replacement. you have to have another goal in mind.
(let them know you are going to ask them for their goals/rules...then share the ones we have)
&nbps;
our goals/rules
communicate affection frequently (say something, touch the other person, etc).
remember the long term - the base.
avoid hyperbole in tense situations...
avoid interruptions, in general.
don't be too long winded. it prevents the other person from speaking.
express hurt by saying you are hurt, not by showing it.
in an argument:
eye contact
restatement
touching
what rules will you have?